Marriage...

Ok, so it has taken me a while to figure out what I wanted to write about for my first blog, but I've just figured it out from being inspired in my Pastoral Counseling class that I had earlier today. We were discussing different aspects of marriage, and the question was brought up, "Do you believe that there is one single 'right' or 'perfect' person that God has for you to marry?"

Marriage is a topic that has been heavy on my heart and mind lately. I am at that "marriage" age right now and I to be totally and completely honest, I do hope to get married before long. I have that desire to start a family of my own, and especially because I know that God has put it in my heart to adopt kids. I don't know how many or the real details of it yet (from other countries, from the US, newborn, older kids, foster kids, etc......), but I know God has given me a heart for that. I would like to have several though and be young enough to be able to run around with them and do lots of stuff like that.

So, back to the question, "Do I believe that there is one specific person that God has for me to marry?" Growing up I always assumed that yes, God does have one particular person for me. That's just what I had always heard and was told and just took it as fact. I had never even thought of it being any other way to be honest. The thought that maybe, in fact, God doesn't have a specific person picked out for me, never even crossed my mind, until a year or two ago when a teacher of mine brought up basically that same thought. He said that, no, God doesn't have a certain person that is "perfect" for us. He gives us the knowledge, wisdom, guidance, values, etc. to help us be able to choose a person that we can work together, share a life, have and raise children, minister, grow with. He gives us many scriptures in the Bible to help us know what kind of qualities that we should look for in a good, Godly mate and He wants us to use them with care.

So then there I was questioning a belief that I had never questioned before at all! It started me thinking a whole lot, but then I got to a point where I wasn't confident in my thinking either way, which was really frustrating. It wasn't until today that I really had an opportunity to discuss it and think things through with others so that I could come up with the best possible answer and here it is.

I do not believe that there is one particular person that God has "predestined" for us. It just doesn't make much sense to me any other way. Here's why:

1. In the early days of mankind that we know, marriage was COMPLETELY different from what it is today. Parents, particularly fathers arranged the marriages of their children. Many times the man and woman had never even met until the wedding day! Marriage was not based upon love, "complimenting" personalities, shared interests/hobbies/likes/dislikes, or anything like that. It was based purely so that man and woman could procreate, for a woman to have protection and someone to provide for her, and man could have someone to take care of the children and home.

2. If God had a specific person that each of us was supposed to marry, then what happens if one of those people goes against God's will and does something (goes to jail, kills him/herself, whatever) that prevents the two of them from marrying? Does this mean that the other person should not get married at all?? What about people that get married and then one of them dies? Should they not ever get married again? I know people that have had that happen and have found a wonderful Godly person to marry! And if you look in the bible, God never condemns remarrying when the spouse dies. If you believe that there is one specific person God wants you to marry, than you cannot believe in remarriage.

3. Ok, so a scripture that I had always gone in the past to use to show how I thought God had a specific person for us was the story of the relationship between Hosea and Gomer (found in the book of Hosea for those who haven't read it). Anyway, if you haven't read it, or if it's been a while and you don't remember it, God tells Hosea, "Go and take yourself a wife of harlotry and children of harlotry, for the land has committed great harlotry by departing from the Lord." - Hosea 1:2. Many people believe this story was entirely symbolic and did not happen in real life, and I just have to think now they are correct in this thought. With the way that the story is worded and all the symbolism about Israel, Judah, Baal, etc., I believe that God probably just gave this story to Hosea to speak to the Israelites about adultery. Now, Hosea may have had some similarities in his life that God was using to speak to him too, but either way, I don't think God told him to go marry a prostitute. She may have become a prostitute after they were married, or he may not have known about her prostitution at first, or something like that.

Anyway, I'm not saying in any of this that God doesn't necessarily show us people along our path of life that may fit His view of a good mate, because I do believe He does do that through prayer, worship, and a daily walk with Him, and studying His word. I'm just saying I don't think there is a "perfect" person for us. That is why marriage is hard work. It takes commitment, communication, struggle, many many things to make it work.

I have many other reasons for thinking all of this, I just cannot think of it all at the moment. If I do think of it, I may add it later. Anyway, please let me know your thoughts on all of this, I'd LOVE to hear everyone's opinions and thoughts!